So, you have met the K and the furkids. Well, I am the W. K is the writer and she speaks for the furbabies…much like the Lorax speaks for the trees. She was a writing arts major in college and I don’t write or read often. Don’t get me wrong, I am fully capable of both and I often rant on issues that perturb me on Facebook but it’s just not my jam in general. So why would I do a blog you ask?!? Well (aside from the pleading from K), I think this is an important issue. Not only the idea of parenting and families, but also the lack of resources out there for the T and Q in LGBTQ. After the initial shock when K told me she would be willing to do the baby thing, the first thing I did, like many other people, is to try to find applicable books or websites for me. That was less than successful. It is great to see all the resources out there for gay and lesbian people. It shows me that the world is changing, but it also exemplifies the problems of inclusively of trans and queer people. So like many queer trans people I picked up a book on lesbian pregnancy and “adjusted” the language and situations to fit my own. That makes this blog relevant and important for me. There needs to be more K and W stories in the world.
Another reason you have met the adorable furkids before me is simply because, although I love them, they are a bit of an open book. I on the other hand am that book-that-you-want-to-read-but-it-went-out-of-print-several-decades-ago-after-a-limited-print. I grew up in a family that didn’t communicate well or get along much at times. I am shy and guarded and hesitant to open up to people I don’t know. That carried over to my adult life, unfortunately. I get along great with my parents now and they have always accepted me for who I am, but looking back I had what would have been classified now as an abusive childhood. It fundamentally shaped my adult personality.
I can fake it like a pro but I don’t enjoy being an outward person. I worked retail for years after college. If you have ever worked retail, you know it is the most hellish job on earth along side food service I would assume. My part-time, minimum wage, rotating schedule job is awesome!! At the end of the day, customers treating me like I am there to serve them is icing on the cake! Oh wait…NOPE! I hated working with people all day. Now I am a union employee in a warehouse for a good company. It is awesome! I don’t have to work with obnoxious people anymore except for my co-workers but I can tell them to go BLEEP themselves. I can wear my sweatpants to work and best of all, my job stays at work.
K asked me once why I wanted to have a kid. She is inherently different from me. She values work at the expense of family sometimes. She isn’t a bad person or wife. She is just overly ambitious. That’s why I love her. She works tirelessly to become the change she wants to see in the world. I accept that as a flaw at times. I value her over work. Family is a huge focus for me, whether it’s family we are born with or family we make. She is so ambitious that she fails to see that sometimes but that’s OK.
I promise, I am getting to a point here. Sorry for having to read this! All of these factors really play into who I am and the big question, “Why do I want a child?” I like my job but it isn’t the focus of my life or the change I want to make like K. I want my change to be what I can contribute to the world via a child. I want to strive to do better than my parents did. I have always loved kids. In that way, I am no different fundamentally than other non-T/Q people who want kids.